Haiz.. Today is SO contradicting. I'm confused, upset yet happy. Today's my school's Sports Day..

Firstly, I want to touch on why I'm happy.. I've FINALLY managed to find a matching skirt for my lolita outfit! =] So happy, though it cost a bomb [$50, OMG X_X].... So all I'm left is getting the shoes. Omg, I spent like, $85 in 2 hours. O___O I.. need to shop less. xD; Also happy cause I got the ticket to the DanceWorks competition. Yay! <3

Now, why I'm confused and upset.. Minor shit, but the Sports Day was damn boring.. Now the major thing. My supposedly good friends from sec 1-4 somehow erm, backstabbed me? Not really, but I'm pretty pissed off with their behaviour. They asked around, to see if I have feelings for some guy *of which I don't even know, they refuse to tell me*. I thought that it was just my class, so it's fine.. But it isn't. How can it be fine? People from other classes know about it too. And I was nice to them all these while. I didn't laugh at them together with the others, did I? No.. And the way I treat them didn't change either. During Geography lessons, they will sit the extreme end from where I'm sitting, and they refuse to do projects together with me, even if it's me who has to go to them and ask them if I can join.

So why.. HOW... did this happen? I don't know. I can't comprehend it. I want to.. I want the answer to it, but I'm somewhat afraid that I will not be able to find it. They will change subject, ignore or just walk away, when a topic they consider taboo is brought up. "Go and confront them about it." How? I find it almost impossible. Maybe it's just because I'm too giving? I don't know. I really don't. I'm SO confused.

I find it somewhat unfair. Why do I usually get the bad side of life? Hit by my dad for something I didn't do, etc.. It isn't fair. It really isn't. Maybe it's just me being self-centered and childish, but that's how I really feel..

Who should I trust? Why do I trust? How do I trust? There's so many burning questions within me, that's longing to be answered... Who will answer them? Oh well. At least I got the skirt, right?

2 short verses I wrote:

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Someday I may reach my limit
And forget you, And leave you..
And so before I do
I so want to see the sun rise with you
By your side, n your arms, we'll dulge in our world
Notice me.. Notice me

What do you think in your mind?
What do you keep locked up
In your heart, in your heart?
Tell me why you keep to yourself
I wanna open your heart
And see the world
Always I, Always I knew..

Someday I may reach my limit
And forget you, And leave you..
And so before I do
I so want to see the sun rise with you
By your side, n your arms, we'll dulge in our world
Notice me.. Notice me

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The gusty wind blows
Making the howling of the wind heard
It resembles the cries of sorrow
The drops of rain, like tears falling
Meets the nation once again
It's quite a sight - is Heaven crying for me?

Isn't it wonderful
To have someone to be with?
I so want to see you through
The good times *and* the bad
Accept me.. I no longer want to be alone
My tears fall...

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~ Nazhuka Mizhuki ~