Why's my life so sad? I can't take it anymore. Everytime I'm alone by myself, I start crying. I've gone to the extent of going out and making myself so tired [from stuff like DDRing until I can't go on anymore, etc] until I do nothing but hit the sack after I shower when I get home. The thought of cutting myself has once again resurfaced, but I don't want a cut on Streetfest. That's the one and only reason why I didn't do it. And I feel like piercing my ears, but I'm deprived of the cash to do so.

So I try and find people to go out with, so that I won't get all depressed again. If you don't want to talk/hang out with me then just say it straight to my face.. Don't need to go beating about the bush.. like SOMEONE. Will appreciate it a lot. Fine la, if all the care about is the trouble that you caused me, fine la.. I'd just keep lying. Fine lar, fineeee... Don't want to talk to me or hang out just bloody say it out lar. But it's ok. I'll just ignore you, since it's your wish. Bastard. >_>

It's just so fucked up. I'm not allowed to sleep even though I'm so damn fucking tired. But yet when I don't sleep, I get yelled at. Seriously, like what the fucking hell? I can't take it anymore. I really can't. I dont even know why the fuck I'm here. >_>; Friends. What friends? When I'm in need of them, they're off doing something else. Not that I want to be selfish or something, they CAN do their own stuff. They're not obliged to tend to me. But I'm once again obessed with something I'm so damn fucking scared of, and this is one out of the few times where I actually don't want to go home. But no one notices it again.. As usual. Or if they do they just don't fucking care. =/

I don't know. If I'm worse as a person, would my life be better? If it will, I don't mind becoming worse. Seriously. I'm sick and tired of this life. I usually just put on a happy face. The moment I'm alone, I get upset and then I'll start crying again. Yes, even in public. There's something really wrong.. With me? With my so-called "friends"? I don't know. I don't fucking know, so stop asking me. >_>

I can bet all my cash that even if I go missing, no one will actually take notice of it. And it's not like anyone will actually care if I'm there or not. Yes, I'm that insignificant. Am I not? =/ So if I go and never come back, how many will actually remember all the pain, the sorrow, and the "happiness" that I've had, that I've "shared"? Close to nothing, close to no one, if you ask me. I hate this life, hate everything in it. I want to run away, to escape it all. I just want it to fucking end, dammit. >>;

Yes, in case you haven't fucking noticed, I'm shedding tears. This pain, my pain - no one actually cares about it. Nor bother about it. It's not their fault, for neglecting me for their work. But what if you could but you just didn't want it? And make it seem as if you're ignoring me, whether or not you are trying to I don't fucking know, but what's the message that you're trying to convey? I don't know. I hate this. I just do. I just want to fucking go and get things over and done with.

And it's not like any of you guys will care anyway.

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Well on the happy note, Ray's blog keep me giggling. It IS funny, to some extent. But retiring from DDR!! Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. ;__; Does that mean that you're giving up teaching it too? Oo;;

Today we had fun in school as well... Ziqi, Jessica, Shilton, Marcus, Young Sing, Anwari, Daiyan, ME! XD We were talking crap in school.

That's about.. All the happy shit that happened to me. What a happy life, eh? >>;

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~ Nazhuka Mizhuki ~